The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
