nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
