ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
