Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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