my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
