judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
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When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
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In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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