fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
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