My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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