we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
