Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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