Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
