Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
