we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
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I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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