Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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