I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
