He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
