I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
