come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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