Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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