Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I forgot wine drunk hurts
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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