Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
