Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
