Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
