She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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