i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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