he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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