Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
