the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
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I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize