so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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