I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
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yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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