When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
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the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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