Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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