3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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