I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The air was thick with penises
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
