What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
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