if you like me you must not know who I am
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
