I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
