everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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