I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
My balls are so social today.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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