Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I came so hard my ears popped.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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