I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
