What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
