I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize
