I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
