If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I've blown a few things in my day
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.