you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately