My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.