guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina