That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
