First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
