we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
