Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
