3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
