Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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