I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
