i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
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His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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