After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
