i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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