I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
