I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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