I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
