she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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