no. you can't hotbox the world.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
