Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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