We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
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At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
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So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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