As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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