if only i could text you this smell
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
