I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
