dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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