Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
