i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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