RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
