There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
