Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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