I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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