I cockslap morals
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
