you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
