dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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